Late night poem

Fuck me like you mean it

Like you need me.

Because I’m drowning again.

Making love to my insecurities.

I don’t believe it

Not for a minute.

I know you love me baby.

And I feel happy in your arms

But right now I’m slow dancing with my anxiety.

There’s tears coming in waves through my body.

And I don’t even know why

I thought I was happy.

Maybe it’s the depression talking

Or is that me?

It’s hard to tell the difference when I can’t even breath.

I distracted myself for a while

And maybe I was ok.

But it’s quiet and dark now

And nothing’s alright.

Do you think one day I’ll get over this?

Do you think it’s like the flu?

I don’t think that’s how it works

But god I hope so too.

I don’t want to feel this way

I want to live without a pause

Without stopping when the demons come to call

That must be what this is

Because It’s stealing my life away

And if this is just some game then I don’t want to play.

I’m laying here again with these tears on my face

I’m supposed to feel safe but I’m so tired of this place.

Would you like to switch bodies so I can escape for a while?

My mind is broken and I just want to be a carefree child

Do you want to hold me for a bit?

I think it could help

Even if I can’t be fixed.

Would you lay next to me in bed?

Please, save me from the monsters in my head.

Late Anxious Nights

So here I am at 1:12am after a long day of work, writing my 3rd post for the night because not only can I not sleep, but I don’t really want to. Does anyone else with anxiety or depression stay up late doing things because when you lay down to go to sleep, all the thoughts in your head come out and you can’t get your brain to calm down long enough to fall asleep and you end up either crying yourself to sleep or worrying yourself into a restless sleep? I’ve had both occur so sometimes staying up and writing or playing on my phone until I’m so tired that I just pass out seems like the better option. It definitely doesn’t help with my sleep schedule but it helps with my sanity not staying up late and letting my anxiety come up with new things to worry about. (might write a poem about this soon so look for that.)

I’m going to shut off my laptop and play games on my phone until I fall asleep but just a short thought I had before bed. As always let me know what you think in the comments and have a good night/day. Thank you.